I remember as a little girl, Valentine’s Day was such an awesome holiday. It was one of my favorites that I looked forward to each year. In elementary school we would decorate Kleenex boxes that would hold the Valentine’s Days cards we got from our classmates. My teacher had a rule that required you to give a note to everyone in the class; no one was to be left out, even the boy who for some reason, always smelled like pee.
I liked to decorate mine with Conversation hearts that were stamped with sayings, such as “Be Mine”, “Kiss Me” or “Say Yes”. But now just writing this blog, it has a little bit of a creepy vibe to it. Kind of like a 3rd grade “50 Shades of Grey” thing going on… I mean seriously, who thought of these sugary innuendos for children? Once again I am digressing….. The night before the holiday, I would make my memos and label the envelope with each classmate’s name. Although I always put more effort into creating a stupendous card for my friends or the boy I had a crush on, I never forget to give a Valentine to the kid that reeked of pee.
But now that I’m all grownup and Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, I have come to the realization that my view of the holiday has changed slightly. Being single during this flowered filled, chocolate coma, greeting card weekend has left me time to reflect. If you are not in a relationship, it feels like everyone is in love and V-day was created just to remind you of what a loser you are and how you are doomed to walk the world alone. Lately every time I bump into a friend who I haven’t seen for a while, with raised eyebrows they ask , “So… are you seeing anyone? How’s your love life?” I try not to roll my eyes and spout out my scripted but politically correct response. “I am taking sometime to focus on me. My life is too busy right now. I haven’t met anyone who can quote lines to me from “The Notebook”, while giving me a foot massage.”
But the truth is, I don’t know why I have reservations about dating. Maybe it is because after failed relationships, I am jaded and that bright shiny heart-shaped box of Godiva Chocolate reminds me more of hurt, than of the love. Or maybe it is because I am enjoying only having to take care of me. If I want to eat Fro yo for dinner… I can! If I am too tired to cook… oh who I am kidding? I don’t cook. But I can order a mean pizza and then eat only the crust because I don’t have anyone else to feed. Except my dog Crash… he adores my take-out skills. Maybe it is because when I am feeling “off” I want to just be alone so I can binge watch “The Walking Dead” on Netflix, while eating a 3 lb. of Skittles… taste the rainbow. Further more, it is kind of scary to put yourself out there Parkinson’s and all, knowing that it will push some people away.
But I know that I want to share my life with someone… the good and the bad days. So what do you do when you are ready to dive head first into the Parkinson’s dating pool? All I can say is to keep your heart open and remember that your PD will progress, so find someone who can progress with you. Read up on my tips for dating with Parkinson’s and don’t forget to get to Target early for discounted candy the day after Valentine’s day.