I am sitting here on my couch thinking of what to blog about today. I have many wonderful ideas but nothing is striking a flame in me. I glance towards my kitchen, and spot a bag of “Gummi bears” resting on the counter. Sweet, delicious, chewy little bears in assorted flavors…because that is how they are in the wild! The brown bears taste like raspberries, which must be because of all the berries they eat in the forest. The black bears taste like oranges and the Polar bears have an exotic, savory taste of fresh pineapple. Sorry, digressing…focus Allison! What topic can you write about that is full of information, but yet meaningful with a touch of humor?
As my mind begins to regain its clarity, my hands hover over the keyboard and I am again ready to enlighten the world. It is kind of weird that Polar Bears taste like pineapple…. I mean they live in cold places with lots of snow! Isn’t it crazy how much snow looks like Marshmallow whip? I remember as a little girl, I loved Ice Cream topped with melted Marshmallows… ooooh! And ‘Smores! With peanut butter cups and marshmallows smushed in-between two graham crackers! Fudge! I did it again…rambling.
This isn’t an unusual occurrence of getting distracted by sweet treats. I have always loved candy, cakes, ice cream or anything made with sugar. In fact as a kid, Halloween was just as important as Christmas, because of the abundance of candy I would rack up. I remember that I would hide my candy before I got home from “trick or treating” because I knew that I would have to turn in my goods, so my Dad could inspect and divide the candy. Looking back at it, I was kind of being pimped out by my parents! They would dress me up in sparkly outfits with lots of makeup and sometimes even with a wig. Then I go out on the streets at night going door-to-door collecting candy, just to bring it home and being forced to hand my hard-earned confections over to my parents. It’s a cruel world, full of injustice.
I wasn’t picky at what type of candy I could get my sneaky little mitts on. Fun dip, Big League Chew, Airheads, Nerds, Lemonheads, Ouch Bubble Gum, Astro pops, Sour Punch Twists, Push Pops, Jawbreakers, or Warheads were just a few evils from addiction that I just couldn’t get a handle on. Even as a teenager, I would visit my Grandparent’s house, where they would have a bowl of Hersey’s Kisses resting on a shelf, or my Aunts house, where she had peanut M&M’s just chilling in a decorative jar on the end table, and I was shocked how they could restrain their desire to indulge. Now, as an adult, you would have hoped that I have either learned how to control this awful addiction or that I would be in a sugar coma never to wake again. But alas, no such luck.
One of the many wonderful symptoms of having Young Onset Parkinson’s disease can be impulsive or compulsive behavior. It seems that whatever characteristics people had prior to the onset of Parkinson’s, will still remain, but they could be amplified. So now instead of loving candy, I obsess about it. Where will I get it next? Who will I have to hurt to get it? Can I sleep at night knowing what I did to get my hands on some sugar? Or even worse…will I be able to look at myself in the mirror tomorrow? I guess it will be my daily battle…one day at a time. So for now, look away because I am going to shovel a handful of Gummi Bears in my mouth.