It is 1:30am and I can’t sleep, thank you Parkinson’s. Due to my insomnia, it felt like an appropriate time to warn you about the Diva and the White Wizard. For those close to me know that I love my dogs. Seeing as I can not have children of my own, they have become my spawn, almost like I birthed them myself. My own litter of two…..Bella and Crash. My kids have very different personalities, so I will describe them individually.
Don’t let that Basset Hound face fool you. She uses her cute looks to get what she wants….treats, belly rubs, or to play tug of war……such a typical girl! Underneath those long ears and sad eyes, she is a Diva. She loves my husband, probably because he calls her his four-legged lady, but despises me. Everyday she schemes and plans my death. She will pee on my side of the bed, not just a little squirt, more like she drinks a gallon and then hits my side of the mattress. She has tried to eat every pair of socks and underwear I own. She will got onto the patio, where she is not supposed to go potty and poop while looking me directly in the eye. As she stars at me, she will be like, “What? Say something. You know you are going to be picking this up?”
All day long she will get into trouble just until the minute my husband gets home, then it is the “woe is me…I am a neglected….Mommy wouldn’t even pet me” routine. She has my husband wrapped around her little paw. When she is really acting like a Diva, she will go into my bedroom, lift up my pillow and pull out my baby blanket, bring it to where I am and drop in front of me. She is like, “What! Is that your special blanket? Don’t forget, I am in charge here missy! It only take me one second to destroy your life.” If that wasn’t enough for you to believe she is the devil in doggy form, maybe you should know, she eats her own poop. My husband says that she is eco-friendly and recycling, but I know better.
Then onto my angel Crash. He is a terrier mix that I rescued after watching him get hit by a car. I thought Crash would be an appropriate name. He is obsessed with me and loves to snuggle, spoon, and gaze into my eyes. Because I saved his life, he is very protective of me and can be a little snippy to strangers. He sleeps under the sheets while resting his head on my pillow. He has been a huge support when I can’t sleep at night, because he is always there to keep me company.
One thing to be careful of, is Crash is also known as the White Wizard who is very powerful. If you are trying to get work or chores done during the day, don’t get too close to him, he will suck you into laziness. He first gives you those, “Come over and pet me Mom” look. And really, who could say no to that face. As you get closer to the White Wizard, you will begin to feel sleepy. His powers are so strong that it is almost impossible to fight off the fatigue. I think it is a pheromone that he secretes out of his fur that contains melatonin. You could be in full project mode doing dishes, laundry and blogging when the White Wizard will start whispering, ” You have worked so hard today, you deserve to come sit on the couch with me and what some television.’ Before you know, your counting sheep. I bet I could make money by selling clippings of hair from the White Wizard to those plagued by insomnia. Just sprinkle a little on your pillow and call it a night!
I can already feel my eyes getting heavy….he gets me every time. Good night everyone.